had sushi for dinner just now.. damn filling. and it sucks. INSTANT INSTANT... lol. after which was followed by bumming around session.. and finally, went over to john's house with denise. haha. and then supper at kopitiam and home. crippled.. hahhaha. peabrain. lol.

yawns. bedtime.

i love toxic by britney! :)

lets see. the dreaded results are here. i did super badly. but good enough to get my ass into a poly. saw my results yesterday and i didnt even feel anything.. i mean i was relieved that i passed and all. but it was horrid grades. i remember when i got my N level results and i had like four points for best 3 subjects, i cried cos i wanted to get three points.. i just realised that there's this damn handsome boy in school now. apparently in psle he got like top ten in singapore or something. went to acsi, and then got expelled cos he fought in school. haha. he looks damn cute. and plus point, he's younger. LOL. he reminds me of birt.. haha. height, looks and all. haha.

went to town after school. met denise, cj, chin nii and alllll our thai boys. hahahha. inside joke. then met amy mommmmmmy for her lunch break.. walked around.. blahblahblah. sat around.. blahblahblah. and then we went to induz at phoenix hotel to celebrate my pimp daddy's birthday!! haha. i think they ordered like twenty jugs of housepours or something? but we went there in different groups.. the pimpdaddy bunch and the thaiboys bunch. lol. hahaha.. and denise and i got high. i fucking drank two jugs of vodka lime just by playing five ten with i-forgot-whats-his-name. and then drank other things also.. so was high. ya. puked once in the toilet.. and then i remember amy mommmmmy came down.. hehe. and the most happening thing was, denise's mom and uncle all came to join us.... hahhaha. its a nice place by europa.. but i think the crowd was a little too old for us.. they were playing retro, rnb and then TECHNO.. what the hell. i dunno whether i said shit last night. aggghhh! anyway denise's mom and uncle sent us home.. so nice of them. and when i got home i was still damn high.. head spinning and all.

whats on tonight.... hrrm. i think boom boom room to see kumar. but cover charge is fucking thirtyfive bucks! maybe i should just stay at home so that i'll sleep early.. and then wake up for church tomorrow?

went to town job hunting with denise.. then met edric, jason and cj.. and then cain came.. wahlao.. he suan me like he never did before..... idiot.

today was a damn rubbish day. laughed soooo much can. hahahha.

i swear today's prolly my unlucky day or something. first my mom decides to be a bitch for today. and then as i've said.. ive taken one week off from tomorrow onwards which means i start work on next saturday. and then the blooooody bitch just decides to call me and demands that i work on sunday. and when i said that ive got plans.. she asked me to change my plans. what a bitch. what a bitch. but hell.. yar ive got no plans. but i dont wanna go to work on sunday cos ive already taken a week off. and then my sis calls.. finds out im at home.. asked me why im not at work i said i didnt feel like working today so i took mc today. and she started lecturing me and all. and when i said i called danny.. she started lecturing me even more on how alike danny and i are. how our attitude sucks and all. its always about us not being able to meet their expections. its always us. us. us. me and danny are just the black sheeps of the family. we prolly ruined everything for them.

i tell you, im so bloody pissed now... and i'll prolly fail my Os, which will give my entire family something more to lecture me about. and then i so want to fucking quit my job. i tell you, i've never hated a job as much as i dread working now. fine although ive only worked at mambo and hasbro. but still.. at least i looked forward to the job, and the money la. this one although more money, but so bloody sucky. and i so fucking want to quit my job. badly. i think im quitting soon.. just let me find another job. this time if im going to do sales, only retail please. never electronics. i can just die. i'd rather admin.. ugh. whatever la. damn pissed now. our philips sales rep was damn nice during the interview and all.. which was one of the reason why i took on the job cos she was so nice.. and now shes being a total bitch forcing me to work on sunday. i already said take one week off right. bitch.

my mom is in such a bad mood today she's pissing me off big time. i should have just went to work and leave this house. i tell you.. she forced me to take out my camera.. and i had to admit to her that i lost it. and she went on and on about how i lost my birthday gift.. etc. i mean hell. fuck i felt damn bad for losing it too okay. and lets just wonder how the kaikushi people actually said they didnt see it when we all remember i left it there? what the fuck? and she started blaming me for everything.. like not going to work and not informing her earlier so she need not cook for me and all. and i already told her im getting the identical camera. and she says its different. well im the one using it so why should she even care? the only reason why im refraining myself from shouting and quarreling with her is cos danny asked me to be nice to mommy.

i just spoke to danny on the phone for 9mins54secs. so damn elated. :D thank God for technology.

i think im going to change to a tri band phone. so that i can receive his messages? i think. ya.. haha.

im not going to work today.. having cramps. ugh. irritating. the cramps will prolly go away by noon.. heh. but im feeling lazy. anyway i took one week off.. from tomorrow till next friday. yupp.

i tell you, im so stupid i can just bang the wall now and hope to die. this morning, i received an sms from danny's ny mobile number.. and i stupidly deleted it cos i was still too blur. and the msg was all jumbled up...... and then all the funny characters.. ugh. stupid network..... i wonder what danny said. AGHHH. so irritating. and somemore i dreamt of him.. and then waking up to his message was such a joy.

agggggh!

this song was in my mind the entire day. it is such a bimbo song i swear.. i think its by tatayoung or something?

i like all my skirts,
to be a little too sexy.
just like all my thoughts,
they always get abit naughty.
when im out with my girls,
i always okay abit bitchy.

cant change the way i am, sexy, naughty, bitchy me.

its one of those songs you listen to and it gets stuck in you for days kinda thing?

okay. i dont mean to be judgemental over here... but, WHATS WITH SINGAPORE GIRLS AND THE FRINGE?!!!!. its making me wanna do something to my hair so that i wont look like everyone else on the streets.. lucky my fringe isnt like the ALL STRAIGHT ACROSS THE BROWS one can. everyone is sporting that look. and the thing is that.. in my personal point of view, to have the straight across the brows fringe look.. you must complete the look. that means the right clothes and right shoes.. right bags and all. i mean you dont just cut your hair like that and wear something really off right?

i dont know, maybe im just being a fucking judgemental bitch over here.. all i know is that i need a hair cut really soon before i start looking like everyone else off the streets.

results on friday. actually i knew it a week ago. but like now reality is sinking in. i swear i was so stupid. lotsa clubbing before Os.. and i didnt even club after the Os till recently vday at zouk. how exciting.... righttt.

anyway work today was boring. and i sold many many items. feel so mean for lying. there i was talking about irons and their different functions.. when i dont even iron. and all the blenders.. etc. etc. blahblahhh.

friday. plans are..... take a cab to school. take result slip. fold it and not look at it.. take a cab to idunnowhere and then open it. and cry cos i'll prolly fail.

today i worked from 12 to 10. so going to die..

lets see.. i sold 20++ items today!!! :) and i tell you, i could have sold more. but i suck at explaining things. electrical goods. i mean i dont even know how to use them in the first place can? its so bloody complicating. anywayyyy. yar. met amy mommmmmmy for lunch.. now we can always meet for lunch cos we're so nearby each other.

dear Lord, please let me get the job. *prays*

i am so dreading work. i swear. its another eight hours of torture standing there doing NOTHING. yes precisely. i stand there and do nothing. at least when i was at mambo, i had other people to talk to.. i had clothes to fold.. clothes to try.. and all. here, what can i do? take off my shirt and iron it? (that was evelyn's joke.)

and i have to wear plain white shirts.. which i dont have many. so i had to make a trip down to giordano to buy more plain white tees. i kinda liked the new low v neck one. but i dont want to wear a tube inside cos its like so passe? and then if i just wear a bra, it'll be damn low. and then nothing to see so its like so trying to be. and john little will prolly sack me for wearing such a low top. anyway.. yar. so now im going to be wearing giordano shirts everyday. cos i dont want to spoil my other shirts by pinning the name badge on it. and my mambo black jeans which i altered from a size 10 to a size 8.. and still is too big for me. hrrm. my bro and all his friends would have said "why buy giordano? later wear already got rashes.. all the mass produced." haha.

oh yar. i need to pin my hair all up today. john little is making noise about my green hair. so see me transform from a 17yearold to a 17yearold trying to act 7. i need to take passport sized photo later.. damn. with green hair. how practical.

i hate work. i dont want to go. UGH.

i cut my nails allllll short!!! now so ugly. so depressing. :( *sobs*

work is so boring. i swear.

younger men so hot. i swear.. :) very. haha. only a certain one larhs. lol. *nudge jen and hazel* yes? so cute lor. hahahhaha.

i want to quit. but i dont want to be a quitter.

well. i slept for like 2 hours and then dragged myself outta bed for church. was so damn tired.. i think worship and sermon was good today.. anyway after church waited for ms low for SOOOO long. but had to forgive her cos its birthday week. and i had to tie my hair for work to cover the green hair. how awful.

i tell you, one word to describe work. HORRID. i dont like. AT ALL. wahlao. mambo and hasbro were WAYYYYYYYY better can. i'd rather work with azan than work for philips man. sheesh! and today there was this fucking irritating younger guy working with me. so proud, so irritating, so childish, so proud, so obnoxious, so proud, so untactful. UGHHHHHHH. he told me ive got ugly hair. and he said some really horrid comments. which resulted in me being a total stuck up bitch and saying some reallllllly mean stuff to him. which i dont really care. i mean yar hell i know ive got ugly hair larhs. somemore i have to pin it all together.. but you dont fucking tell me straight THRICE in a day can. fucker. like hell.. i know my hair is ugly. as i was telling everyone today, i look like the sis of the grinch. im a monster. growls. and... i dont wear fake stuff can?! wahlao. i swear i was so bloooooody insulted when he SAID that my PERLINI'S are such UGLY FAKE PERLINI'S. excuse me mr young i think i know it all guy, it was a fucking tiffany&co set and fuck you, i dont wear fake stuff. its authentic. i tell you..... i am still so pissed. i can just slap that fucker if i were to ever work with him again. and he kept insisting that im a lesbian. and i didnt deny it. i mean hell fuck why should i even bother having a conversation with him? and he thinks its damn proud to go around telling everyone he had his first stick of fag when he was in primary2. like fuck, do you think i give a fuck?

anyway. today huimin and bev were damn nice.. they came down all the way to look for me. went to cat's place for dinner cos she had my favourite soup! haha.

anyway. work is just horrid. i dont like doing the electrical stuff. im like SO BLUR. all irons look the same.. main function is to iron only what. how come got from 30 bucks to 300 bucks? crazy. all blenders and foor pro look the same too. i hate work. i want to quit but its damn mean cos my sis's friend actually got this job for me. meanwhile, im gonna hunt for jobs.

HONEY is such a good show. i likeee. :) and i WILL get the soundtrack. its a damn feel good movie.. just came home from it.

lets see.. went down to jacob/john's house in the noon.. went to town.. yadayada.. walk here and there.. FINALLY collected my jeans. had coffee at starbucks califonia fitness... damn funny. lol.

honey is a goood show. and yes i know ive said that. its a must say thing. haha.

work tomorrow. sheesh. nervous.

my phone died on me FOUR times since 12ish this morning.. i seriously need a new phone. or i could always use the 5210 or the 3310 in my drawer but nahhh. oh you know last night wilson saw my phone, and he went like, "wahlao daphne, your phone very retro eh?".. and it took me awhile to get the joke. sheesh.

fly me to the moon.
and let me play among the stars.
let me see what spring is like on jupiter and mars.
in other words, hold my hand.
in other words, darling kiss me.
fill my heart with song and let it sing forever more.
you're all i long for, all i worship and adore.
in other words, please be true.
in other words, i love you.

i likeeee. :)

i just got home.. haha.

cj, chin nni and wilson came to my place to pick me up around 12ish? hahha.. went to monks cos cj wanted to go.. sat down for awhile.. and only drank a beer.. and then went to mustafa. and we got lost on our way.. walked around... i bought bangles!!! haha. went to have prata after that! finallllllly! ive been craving for that since ages ago.. and then home. the car ride home was very funny. first he did the SCREEEECHHHH sound... and then we were all smoking in the car.. and then wilson started speeding big time.. cos i wanted to experience it. and we went up to 140. goodness. haha.

wahlao. first thing cj said to me when i got in the car was. "eh wahlao. why you wear so nice? go geylang la... hahahha." and excuse me, i was only wearing some pink mambo tank top and my jeans with slippers? and then when bran saw me, she went like "hey green hair bitch.".... so sad right?

im still hungry after eating my plaster prata.. :(

i want to go for car rides!!!!!! with friends la. not family. car rides with family is boring.. the car ride i took the other time with enlai and danny was damn funny too. haha.

im having horrible cramps. really bad.

i cant believe im home on a friday night. so depressing.. :(

went for a swim just now. and the water was SOOOOOO cold, thank god i was wearing a swimsuit and not a two piece.. and now im having a damn bad cold.. ugh. my bro in law says my green hair is ugly. he still likes my hair last year. when i just colored and cut at the hair shop..

ive been listening to fly me to the moon, by the male AND female versions for the whole day.. its damn nice!

was clearing my shoe rack.. threw away so many slippers and shoes. actually they're in damn good condition still.. and i like afew of them. but they have to go, to make way for more. haha. who's a size 8? want un worn slippers? ive got 4 pairs of them.. and i found this pair of damn nice shoes! i forgot that i had them even.. how dumb.

okay. teevee time.. talking to jen. haha.

i just slept for thirteen hours.. feeling grouchy now.

wahlao. im starting work on sunday, and i cant believe i have no plans for today. this is so pathetic. yea i may be down to meet the "parents" for supper.. but its like at night. growls.

and ive got no plans for tomorrow either. wahlao.

i think i'll just go for a swim today. and then to the gym. but im feeling so lazy! ugh.

i wanna go to my sis's place but i dont want her to see my green hair.

im ranting. pardon me.

i cant believe ive been up since SEVEN IN THE MORNING. and i slept at like FOUR IN THE MORNING. dying.

lets see.. went for the interview. first thing said to me was, "if given the job, would you re color your hair? the green part?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the hell. anyway on sunday im working at great world's best denki. then monday onwards i will be working at john little. how fun. rightttt. anyway the pay is alright la. up to my standard. enough to spend.

went down to lucky plaza to collect my jeans. or rather i wanted to. its not ready yet.. damn. my 501s!!! then went to meet cain cos he wanted to see my green hair.. and then i rushed to holland to meet denise..

we were at breko's for FIVE hours. can u imagine.. ate.. drank normal drinks.. drank beer.. and fagged like 2 hard packs? can die of lung cancer already. talked.. yadayada.. haha..

now im feeling funnnny. think too much gas in my stomach already. oh just now at breko's, i needed to pee really badly.... and the person was taking FOREVER. so i used the gents. anyway its the same.. and its clean!!! amazingly.

i decided.. i will save my money. only spend on expenses.. food and all.. and then save money till like june.. before school starts.. then i go and shop big time. hahahha. i wanna get my gucci bag! and my fendi tote bag! and i wanna get my sis and my mom a gucci wallet each. haha. dreaming abit too far rite?

bed timeee!

while washing my hair just now, the foam was blue..... how interesting.
and i washed my hair thrice. with different shampoos. just so that the color will fade off soon.. haha.

i dont believe this.

i just downloaded hole in the head by sugarbabes. and this song spells W-A-Y-N-E. so disturbing!!!!! hahah.

ive got an interview tomorrow at philips singapore. and NINE THIRTY IN THE MORNING. and its in freaking toa payoh.. that means i will probably have to wake up at SEVEN...... madness. and the thing im afraid is that...... they wont employ me cos of my green hair!!!!!! *grumbles* which im sure they'll mind.. haiyars. maybe i should just go back to club21 or something. anyway the pay is kinda pathetic. only six bucks per hour. one off day a week. 8 hours a day. either 12-8 or 1-9. ( i likeeee. can sleep longer! ) there's commission. but like how much can i sell? philips shavers, etc..... haiya. no point thinking so much. i think they hate my hair anyway.

now, to decide what to wear tomorrow. ugh. now with green hair, i need clothes to match the green hair and compliment it. irritating.

fly me to the moon..
fly me to 4th ave, brooklyn. new york anytime.

my bro's trusty old 6510 is dying on me. sometimes that little darling decides to just reject my simcard, without any warning. so i can leave it in my bag the whole day.. thinking. "wahlao. no one loves me." and when i check my phone, it says simcard rejected. how great. and it is always blanking out on me while im sms-ing. i think i need a new phone. but my financial status at the moment doesnt really allow me to buy anything more than a nokia 2100. but i want the nokia 7200! its so b-e-a-u-tifulllll.

there's this job at TUAS. EIGHT PER HOUR. dammit. only mondays to fridays.. i want! but its so bloody far!

my eldest brother just called me a problem child just becos of my green hair and he demanded that i cut it away. fucker. i dont really give a shit. ugh. im actually very very pissed. who is he to call me a problem child? i dont think he's a damn good example. smokes, gambles, scolds his younger sis for no reason. also problem adult what.

woke up SO DAMN EARLY today. EIGHT FREAKING THIRTY!!! can you imagine.. i woke up so early just for a hair appointment.......

owell. went to heeren at TEN FREAKING AM.. the guy showed me the color chart yada yada.... and so i re colored my BLACK roots.. to errr, chocolate color... and................. ive got GREEN hair. gosh. can you imagine...... now i look like the grinch! anyway before the green dye was applied, he bleached my hair.. so it was like blondish white... and it was damn nice. and i was asked whether i wanna leave it that way.. cos i kept looking at the mirror. lol. but i decided to go ahead with the green cos no one i know has green hair yet! haha. wanted pink, purple or yellow. but these colors will fade off damn quickly.. wanted blue too! but that means i will need a superrr light base.. which means that when my black roots grow, its gonna be damn ugly. anyway.. stuck with green. and now im the grinch!!!

met amy, colin, nelson, rick, pau, kelly, hendy, rio and stef. all at different times larhs.

oh while i was walking to the bus stop, this ang moh lady was like.. "excuse me.. did you have to bleach your hair before coloring it green?" and she asked quite a couple of questions and then she said that i have nice hair. haha. but i think i need some time to get used to the greeness. (SPELL?) its like i miss st marg's so much i have to dye my hair green.... now.... i think i need more green shoes to match. LOL. kidding.

i came home.. and tasha was like.. "aunty daph, you go and paint your hair green? i also want.. i want ahhhh. PINK!" so cuteeee. what an angel. lol. and she went to tell my dad, "aunty daph go and paint her hair you know.." and she said to me.. "you paint your hair.. later my mommy and your brother scold you ah." hahah. my mom saw my hair and she didnt know whether she wants to scold me, or laugh.

ahhh. i want pink hair!!!! *pouts* soon! next hair appointment!!! :)

so im talking to jesse baby on msn now, and the both of us are just whining about how broke we are. to the point where we have so little in our bank account, there isnt even enough to withdraw!!

and it suddenly dawned upon us, how people like us can splurge on gucci(s), spend almost our entire paycheque buying stuff from club21 (READ=what we earn, we donate it back to club21.) and end up so miserly. *shakes head*

enlighten us please, anyone?

i dont know whats wrong with me.
i dont know what the fuck is wrong with you.

okay. so i was talking to my ex classmate online. we were bitching and all.. updating and all. and it suddenly dawned upon me that, hey. i think you're having the time of your life doing what you like. eg, being a bitch. and you know what? you're so fucking good at it sometimes i wish i could learn from you. *RIGHTTTTT.rolls eyes* maybe firstly, i should learn how NOT to get so affected. i should learn how to NOT treat my close friends as close friends because hey, you never know when they'll just turn their back on you and poof, they're outta your life. one major thing i need to get into my head, hey daphne. stop getting so motherfucking affected becos you know what? they dont really give a damn. no wait, make that.. they dont give a damn.

enough said. i dont want to dwell in it anymore. im the one who has changed what. yes? right. its always times like this, i waste my time crying.. over why the fuck was i so blooooooody stupid. and its also times like this i learn to love the people around me so much more. but i have to remind myself not to get too reliant on someone. no, make that.. i have to remind myself not to rely on anyone.

my sis sent me an email.. i read it and started crying. i dont know why, her emails always seem to have this crying effect on me. and she wrote something really funny in the email. something about the boyfriend thing. i think my sis thinks that i have a boyfriend or something.. weird. pray for a merciful, peace loving man who has a good relationship with God & his family. Some one who is patient & loving. Not afraid to say that they are wrong. Who loves kids & animals etc. & of course good with
his hands - bonus if he's cute too! these kinda men, extinct already larhs.

did i dream that you called?

just a 1min38secs conversation with danny and im crying. so many things to say.. but i would just wanna hear him talk forever. he was very busy when i called.. sigh. apparently his place is damn dirty and messy from some renovations..

and then now im thinking of the very last time i saw him. xmas 2003. sigh. im gonna dislike xmas from now on. cos as every xmas passes by, it means that he would have been gone for an additional year.

im sorry to let you guys down time and time again.

im all talk, no action. yes? UGH.

all that knocking of sense into me isnt really showing any improvements huh.

remind me, no more saturday night activities.. i need to get up early on sunday mornings for church.

don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

okay. so i am just super blur and i dont know how to use a stupid calling card.

so i tried calling my brother a thousand times... cannot get through. finally the phone rang.. BUT NO ONE ANSWERED and i got directed to the answering machine. so bloody upsetting i swear. i left him a VERY short message.. like.. "hey kor, your lil sis here. mommy is worried about you. please call back ok?" there is so much more i want to say. but i dont know where to start. im afraid that once i start, i'll just start crying. i have a stack of postcards for him and looking at them just makes me wanna cry. cos i dont think i will ever get to post them to him.

i want to tell him about the family, tell him about the relatives.. ask him so many things. but i just dont know where to start. and besides i never fancied talking to myself. (read, talking to the machine.)

i miss danny lim. i want to fly to newyork and not study forever! i will go there and be a waitress forever. maybe go to the broadway on weekends.

ugh. i dont like crying.

i think today's word was damn good. kinda applies to my situation now huh. i should just listen and obey. and not listen and ignore.

im SO sleepy that when i woke up this morning, my eyes were all red.. and i couldnt even be bothered to choose what clothes to wear, what shoes to match, what bag to match, and what color earrings and necklace to match the bag etc. i couldnt even be bothered to do anything to my hair!!! (can you imagine. and ALL the time i always have hair wax in my bag.. and i didnt even being it out today, let alone style it at home.) and i couldnt even be bothered to wear a bra.. as how we always say, dont wear and wear also the same. also nothing to see. righttttt mommmmmmy? hahaha.

im going to go for a swim tomorrow. followed by a session at the gym. and that will be monday gone for me! and tuesday most probably will be the hair coloring thingy at the heeren's toni and guy. not confirmed yet.. ugh!!

last year, 15th feb was a sat. i went out with cat, crystal and jen. they bought me a purple daisy to match my purple thong on that day. i dont know why but this suddenly came into my mind.. cos yar. like last year's day after v day thingy? yar.

i just got home.. dead tired.

firstly.. last night, (fri night).. i slept for only 4 hours..

had valentine's day lunch with ailing.. and then ms low came to look for us.. talked.. yadayada.. fun. :)

afterwhich i went to queensway to denise's house cos that girl is down with the chicken pox! poor thing.. anyway painted our nails, fagged and played with the other daphne.. and then john came..

then i went to town which was SO BLOODY PACKED WITH COUPLES EVERYWHERE. it was so irritating. walk 2 steps and someone wants you to buy flowers.. ugh! met wai and kelly. was given 3 different flowers. daisy from wai. rose from kelly and sunflower from cat. thanks. walked around... and then i went to ps to meet "mommy and daddy". hahaha. ate.. blahblah.

went down to zouk. hahahah. i managed to get it. hahahha. *cheap thrill* no actually we went to river valley to eat AGAIN.. amy, andrew, shannon, zaki and roy. haha. and i didnt even drink much. only a vodka lime and a tequila shot. was kinda fun.. haha. i met my ex tuition teacher there.. can you imagine.. so i was introduced like.. "this is my student.." like.. errrr? hahah. *rolls eyes* but they were nice larhs. it was quite alrite.. left about 340.. went to eat at kimseng AGAIN. and left.... yuppp. haha. and today i paid like only ONE dollar for all my drinks. hahaha. can you imagine? :)

oh yesssssss. i've got a hair color job on tuesday at toni and guy. wonder how it'll turn out to be.. *prays*

did i mention that i wanna get so many pretty shoes!!!!! (here goes, my fetish for shoes.)

:: marc jacobs maryjanes. two pairs.. $300+ each. @on pedder.
:: blue slip ins. $199. @tang+co
:: blue and brown pointeyyyys. $125. @ozoc. (hAhhAaa. i can get staff discount!!)
:: pink and red pointeyyyyyys. $29. @vp7. (hahaha. its so damn cheap and thats the reason why i didnt get it today cos it was the only one within my price range for my budget now. cos if its so cheap, can you imagine you walk down the streets.. and you see some ahlian wearing it? i mean im sorry im not saying that ahlians buy cheap stuff, but that shop was kinda lian-ish. very trying to be it kinda thing. but the shoe was really cute and retro. yes eve? she almost got it too..)

okay. i've decided..... no matter what.. with the first paycheque from whatever job im going to get... im gonna get at least a pair of marc jacobs shoe. everyone needs a marc jacobs in his/her wardrobe/shoerack to complete it. just like how a levis is almost an essential. and how seven jeans for all mankind? nike sneaks? plain tops? etc etc. list goes on and on.

i couldnt find the new magazine!!! :(( *pouts*

anyways i met evelyn in town.. walked around everywhereeeee.. had fun bitching and all. went to tcc for dinner.. and evelyn was looking at her eye candy.. *nudgeeee*

met bev, huimin and amy for coffee at tcc again!! bitched.. yadayada.

i dont know about tomorrow larhhh! haiyaaa. sigh.

anyone knows where to get the free mag? i think its a total new publication.. something along the lines of juice ( duh? ) as in a scene mag kinda thing.. anyone knows where?

so i did something illegal last night. i plucked up all my courage, and downloaded songs from kazaa. lol. i love beyonce. makes me remember the time i was at danny's place.. but beyonce doesnt really sound very good on harman/kardon speakers. i think it'll sound better on a bose set. beyonce sounded quite good on the muji player too. the damn sleek one.. go listen to naughty girl and me myself and i by beyonce. best tracks on her album..

so what shall it be tomorrow? zouk, eastwest? the thing is i may not even be able to get in zouk. *rolls eyes* cos i've still got almost a YEAR before i reach the legal age? and if i go to eastwest, i think its gonna be damn off. am i making sense?

my 1 year old niece, kyra has this thing with belly buttons.. so whenever we're lying down and she's on the bed, she'll come over and lift up our shirt.. so just now..
*i was lying down.. still stoning.. not willing to get up, kyra comes into the room.. pats me.. and lifts up my shirt.
*she saw my navel stud. stepped back.. started crying.
me: "kai, whats wrong?"
kyra: "scared.. -pats chest-"
my mom: "see la.. go pierce some more la. now she's scared of it. pierce like monster like that. pierce nose, pierce navel.. where's next?"
me: "oh i was thinking of a tattoo either at the hip, or an the ankle like kor kor. or maybe a tongue piercing."
my mom: ".............................dont you dare.."

now its so tempting.. aloysius and roy still owe me drawings! for my tattoo! lol.. and i've been thinking about the tongue piercing for quite some time.. but im only worried about the after effects. ugh. decisions.. tsk.

i neeeeeeeeeed to swim. i think i've not seen the sun for afew days already. and i was actually planning to get a tan in bali. but there was so little time, so much shopping to do.. so i didnt really get to go to a beautiful beach to soak in the sun. *grumbles* i so need a tan.

i looked through my whole album of neoprints and its making me miss each and every single moment spent while taking them. the process.. the laughters and all.

just hung up with ronny. he just wants to keep reminding me and dropping hints to me that he heard what i said the other time.. *grumbles*

you know im so pissed with you. and yet at the same time i feel so sad for you? and it makes me wonder whether we were close only because you wanted something outta me. if you continue the way you are, you're gonna lose all your friends soon, but then again.. who am i to say such things. yes?

im in a very supper-ish mood now. *grumble* no one who's living near me can go out for supper now. *whines* i want to eat plaster!!!!

i think pure lesbianism is such a turn on.
i think pure lesbianism is so bloooody sexy.
i think pure lesbianism spells H-O-T.

the things that evelyn and i say when we're bored..

evelyn and i have been having very interesting conversations about men. who's good enough to eat, who's good enough to love... hahaha. totally uncalled for. but its damn funny. the object of our desire is so hot, he's good enough to eat.. on top of that, he's younger. so he fits the bill perfectly. hahaAaaha. jokes.

i would like to see men in singapore dressed like the men in the marc jacobs site. no one even comes close. okay yes maybe some guys i know.. and some guys we see on the streets.. but they're all gay. why is it so that the gay men have such gooood dress sense and the straight men sometimes just dont care?

am i making sense? on another note, i know the real reason why im feeling so aimless and all.. and im trying to work on it. time.... takes time. and alot of determination.. and alottt more.

i wanna get the pair of marc jacobs shoes in belle.. and its on sale!! *growls* sheeeesh. and i need a pair of seven jeans. seven for all mankind. everygirl needs a pair of seven jeans in their wardrobe.

bought cleo. boring. think im gonna switch to reading herworld. so much more interesting. cleo is getting dry. veryy dry. shall tell my cousin. she works at cleo as an advertising manager.

i wanna get a christian dior bag... and i could get 10 percent. ahhh. maybe the next paycheque. IF i do find a job that i like.. *nods*

you know in the march issue of cleo, they featured quite a number of pretty shoes.. until i found out that i actually know where its from. gripz from fareast. im trying very hard not to be judgemental over here but i've actually been at the shop before.. and their designs are so copycat-ish. get what i mean.. and the quality actually sucks. you could actually see.. its all so trying to be marc jacobs. eeeeww. oh i saw this damn nice pair of flat maryjanes at foot fetish.. its olive green suede.. by marc jacobs. so nice.... so freaking nice. and its only 299.. i think there was a sale? ugh.. i so wanna get it. its like a basic kinda thing? tang and co at taka has quite afew pairs of pretty shoes too. but they're like either so copy tods or marc jacobs.. i'd rather get the original..

im fatttttttttttt. F-A-T.... *whines*

william hung.. he's the man.. he's my kinda man. he spells H-O-T.

im lying.

i spent a whole day at home doing nothing.. unless you count filing, buffing and painting my nails something. oh yes and i watched 2 dvds today. how interesting.

sugarbabes reminds me of wayne.. babyyyy im tooooooo lost in youuu..... EEEEECCCKKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! giving me the shivers!! how i used to listen to the entire sugarbabes album like TWICE almost EVERYDAY!! *shudders*

i just wrote danny a letter. but the sad part is.... i dont have his current address. how depressing.

its funny how im feeling this way. hrrm. very funny. very interesting.

saturday how? should it be east west for the party.. zouk with amy mommy, roy and maybe samuel.. or should it be bitchy bonding with evelyn at my place followed by a session of lesbian sex? okay. pardon me. i was lying about the last part.

what should it be? i would really like the girl bonding thing. but it would be very evil of me to play amy mommy out. and one thing i hate doing is to play people out. and get played out. ughhh. how?

should i go to liquid room tonight?

so i just woke up cos i was watching the banger sisters on dvd last night.. and then i was talking to jen, it was really funny cos she has never called me at 2am before. usually we hang up BY 2am.. and she called me at 2am.. haha. anyway talked.. yada yada.. gooood. i likeeee. anyway psssst jen, i didnt know she was such a paranoid bitch.

i wake up every morning with funny hair. i should take a picture soon and post it online. hahaAaaha.

evelyn and i decided that we were feeling nice on a tuesday night. so we met up in holland and went to give miss low a surprise at her house!

and how fun, we saw her sis mrs ong downstairs.. and she brought us up. haha. we were laughing over so many things.. SBS BUSES.. MORNING CHAOS OF THE WINDOW PANES.. etc etc. damn funny. great time.

had fun although its only a short period of time.. haha. younger men.... so hot. LOL.

evelyn and i both realised that we have a thing for younger men/guys/boys.. how hot. hahaha.

i just caught along came polly on dvd. not bad.. okay. im lying.. actually its a very predictable movie.. not worth watching..

did you guys read the new paper today? why is there such a big hoohaa over the porn thing?

i just had a very fruitful two hour conversation with amy mommy.

i was just thinking about my life in whole. and how i've been brought up and all.. yes i grew up being a spoilt brat.. i grew up having everything i asked for. i grew up judging people.. and it all boils down.. how you were brought up, will actually play a big part in the way you are now. slowly as time goes by, i realise that i am already turning 18 this year. i cannot continue having my way all the time. i must learn how to control my temper, i must learn to deal things in the right way, i must learn how to give, and sometimes not receive.. i must learn to love selflessly. i cannot be the spoilt brat i am forever. things will not always go my way forever. loving selflessly is going to be hard. it is hard. very hard.. i have to learn that the world doesnt revolve around me alone. there is so much more to life. so so much more. i must learn how to give selflessly. there is so much more to learn.. and i pray deep in my heart, God, please give me the strength to go through this path of learning about myself and life. Lead me not into temptation. Amen.

my sister apologised to me just now before she left my house.. daph, im sorry i was harsh on you just now. i just wanted you to know that things will not always go your way and you have to learn to take responsibilities.. i love my sis. i love her for being so bitchy at times.. cos at the end of the day.. i know she cares. she cares so much. too much sometimes but i still love her.

danny hasnt replied my email. i hope he's okay. Dear God, please bless kor kor as he's in newyork now. its cold now. give him warmth. please grant him wisdom and strength as he starts a new life there. amen. i miss my brother so much i can actually just cry whenever i read his emails. or the messages from him that i stored in my phone. im still trying to cope.. its actually quite hard cos they think im clueless about things.. but the fact is that i knew right from the start what was going on.. am i making sense? and i dont like pretending to be his clueless little sister.. but i have to put up a front.. i wish he could be open with me and talk to me as though im a young adult. *rolls eyes* and not as a younger sister? i miss him dearly. so much. although it has only been a month and a half.. and there are periods of time whereby i dont see him for months, this time its different. cos i know he wont be coming back for a longggg time.

i do not have a good relationship with my eldest bro at all. but deep down i know he cares.. alot.

Dear Lord, i pray for eric. grant them joy and happiness. i pray for my eldest bro. grant us communication. please.. amen.

the other woman, by jan fields.

There was a man who lived in one city but worked in another city so far away that he only came home for the weekends. On Sundays, when he was about to leave, he would tell his wife that he loved her. But while he was away, he lived with another woman, whom he loved more. Still, he would call his wife each day to remind her that he did indeed love her.

At the end of the week, he would return home to her with a gift. While he felt that the relationship was sufficient, his wife knew, as only wives can, that there was someone else, and prayed that he would turn back and love her fully.

If you are a casual Christian, then you are this man. A casual Christian goes to church on Sunday, but spends the week living with another lover. We may claim to love God, but without a heart for justice, without submitting our will entirely to God’s, we are just another adulterous spouse in a fabricated relationship.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay. got this online.. and it shoots me in my face. yes i know im a casual christian.. big time. and im always afraid of commitments. commitments of any sort. but deep down i know that there is so much more to me than what i am now.

am i making sense?

i miss God. big time.

met denise in holland for coffee.. or rather, blended drinks at breko's.

great time talking and all. and its like.. we've both realised the same things after so long. i dont know how to pin point it exactly.. but hell. yar.

saw beks! twice.. once outside sweet secrets and then on the bus. haha. and are we meeting tomorrow?

i need a haircut! need to trim my hair.. its getting outta shape at the back and the ends are sticking out!! growls. and im always so lazy to blow dry my hair already. thats why i always bring my hair wax out.. no matter how small my bag is, my hair wax MUST be inside.. incase if i do try on clothes or something, i will have something to style my hair with. okay. that was so uncalled for..

i am a very self centered person.
i am a very judgemental person.

and i dont like being this way.
everything is all about me, myself and i.

yesterday while walking from heeren to cineleisure for lunch with samuel.. i went like. "oh my gosh, fake adidas. eeecks." and then.. "that look was like so passe can?" and suddenly it struck my mind.. like, hell who am i to be so fucking judgemental? i am nothing. nothing at all. i was in no right to pass such comments about people. and i am in no right to be judgemental. i think i should just start walking around looking at the ground otherwise i will just look at a person's outfit and label everything in my mind. and its soooo horrid of me to do so. i hate myself for doing that. im gonna try to stop being so judgemental. -nods-

my sis is over at my place and i just had a 'lecture'.

making me feel so useless and all. it was like a total put me down session.
now i feel so shitty. okay. she did say nice things. but main point was im not doing whats expected of me.

i hate expectations.
i hate having expectations.

i think i hate myself.

ta-ted. irritated. veryyy irritating. veryyy ta-ting. very bitter. veryyy bitterrrr. i dont likeeee.

forget it. i shall just go buff my nails now.

i slept for like 12 hours.. sheesh. just woke up not too long ago.

im feeling soooooooooooooo crappppppy and useless. i want to work...... anywhere. somewhere. no, actually pardon me. i dont want to sell electrical goods.. i dont want to go on the streets.. i dont want to sell russian diamonds... i dont want to sell mambo clothes... i only want a decent office job that will pay me at least 6bucks per hour.

im not gonna go out today.
im not going to go out today.
i wont go out today.
yes daphne? yes yes? yessss.

though i wont mind coffee later at holland. hrrm. but that will only be after dinner.

oh yes. and i want to quit smoking! unless i can get supplies of duty free ciggies ( READ=CHEAPPPP.) i will quit smoking. i must quit smoking. its an expensive habit. and its bad for my health. and i dont want another asthma attack. it sucks.

oh i must blog about this!!!!

its about 7pm on the 9th feb.. fat man walks into mambo.. daphne was standing at the counter talking and laughing with samuel.. fat man walks towards us.

fat man. "excuse me.. i would like to complain.."
samuel and daphne looks at each other.. raises brows..
samuel. "yes?"
fat man. "i bought this shirt some time back.. and when i wash it.. the print of the brand at the front came off."
-fat man takes out the shirt.. shows us. obviously he ironed over it.. or washed it wrongly.. daphne and samuel looks at each other.. rolls eyes.-

main point, man is crazy. washes the shirt FOUR TIMES and then its spoilt. so came back and complain. and you know which season does the shirt belong to? SPRING SUMMER 2003. CRAZYYYY!!!!!!

just got home.. i swear i almost died on the bus. i needed to pee so fucking badly and the bus was going sooooo slowly on the expressway. SHEESH.

well i was late for service today. couldnt sleep last night.. anywayyyy. i think sermon was good today. at least i was listening. yes? and after service i found out that the world is so small.. and that stupid idiot guy has been saying some things about me. ugh. fucking.. touchy feely bastard. eeeeeeks. miss low made evelyn and i wait for her for like TWENTY MINUTES!!! went to have lunch.. and then evelyn went to work. and i went to miss low's house to help her set the common test for the primary 4s in st marg's pri. haha. so bribe me all you parents of the primary 4 kids.. hahaha. alot of things were mentioned between us today.. quite interesting.. hrrms.

went to town after that.. mambo heeren actually. went to accompany amu for lunch.. and then i went to accompany samuel for lunch. and then i had to wait for denise to be done with her manicure and pedicure.. so i was walking around taka. and then i saw my cousin who coincidentally just finished work.. so walked around with her.. bitched about our family members.. and she even gave me fag. but made me promise not to tell my mom.. haha.

met denise.. and then slacked around.. met wai. ate.. and then john came.. walked around again.. and i went back to mambo to wait for samuel and amy to be done with closing and off we went to tcc!! :) nice nice ice blended drinks they have there.... hrrm.

i cannot spend the rest of my life slacking. i feel so useless. UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

i think i should just throw away all my new shoes and wear birkenstocks only. all different shoes gives me different blisters everywhere. irritating..

i didnt buy a single thing today!!!! although i was REALLY tempted to get this pair of pointed shoes AND thia pair of blue heels, but i had to tell myself, no daphne. funds are running VERY low.. and tell me why do you need another pair of shoe?

met crystal at first.. no.. actually i was supposed to meet samuel and amy for lunch. but i woke up at about 2ish and so i cancelled on them.. with an apology of course. but still went down to mambo to meet them to smoke.. okay. and the new girl yoki is a little funny. she insisted that i was at madmonks last year. and she always sees me around... in my uniform and all.. and apparently i was with glenn at monks or something. really funny. cos i dont go to monks, and no, i do not know any glenn. or sam. or mun. ohh.. samuel was really funny about the headlight thingy. especially when i took off my pullover.. haha. inside joke.... and there was this group of damn funny gays inside mambo.. goodness.. they were spraying the cologne on them.. coolwater.. and it was so blooooody strong.. but they were damn funny. made some damn crude jokes and all.. i like gay men. ( NOT AZAN. )

met christina and bran.. walked around.. nothing to buy. boooooring. saw alot of people today. but i kinda forgot all their names.. sheesh. im dory i think. recarnation of her. yes?

went back to mambo about 10 when they were closing. sadist sadist!!! owell.. haha. anywayyy. amy and i walked samuel kor kor to the taxi stand cos that poor little boy was feeling so sick and all.. and when he reached home, he sms-ed us something reallllly funny. haha. meimei.... lol.

went to tcc, the new joint at cine with amy.. nice place.. and the blended drinks are nice.. shall go there more often. only thing is.. its not an open area thingy.. blarghs.

im starting to like my hair a little now that my fringe has grown a little longer.. and its all up in a hairband now. i look so guai.. hahha. shall go find nice hairbands and wear them out!!

think we're going to zouk on valentine's day.. we've got free tickets.. ha. perks. perks.

shall go watch allllllll my dvds now. okay maybe not all. one. i've got all the new movies.. ha. smuggled them in from bali. they were only like 3bucks for one. and buy 10 get 2 free. buy 20 get 5 free.. how cheap right? and the quality of it is damn goooood.

my mom steals my cleo and reads them.... sneaky. ha. my sis didnt want me to read the latest issue of herworld cos there was the sealed sex section in it........ HAHAHA.

i just got home and saw this pretty blue sequinned box in my room.. inside it is this nail buffer, 3 nail polishes and one lip gloss... wonder who left it here.. either my mom or my sis i think. so sweeeeet.

well, 6th feb should be called 'play out' day or something.

met denise in holland... and then cat came to pick us up.. went to the ngeeann open house. so blooooooody packed i swear. and worst thing is, cannot smoke on campus! irritating.

went to town after that.. met jen and went to cine. and then i had to go over to heeren to do this survery on CHIPS... yes beks? haha. owell.. jen and i left after awhile to shop on ourselves.. and i bought this warehouse sweater.. it was $109 before discount.. and last week when i saw it, it was $54.. and today it was $29.. so i got it!! heh. and i wore my sneakers today so that i wont try shoes on.. but then i saw this damn nice pair of flower heels in exodus.. and i was looking at it since ages ago.. but it was on 50percent.. so i took my shoes and socks on to try it on.. and yayyy! i liked it alot so i got it.. heh.

anyway evelyn played us out! cos she was too tired.. hrmffff! :(

and you know what? cat, amy and i were planning the movie and mustafa thingy for quite afew days.. and cat just decided to play me out. big time. as usual. ditch me just for booze. fuck it. i should have seen it coming.. owell. whatever. im so fucking used to it. first i had to wait for her for 4hours the other day. and now? i fucking get played out... fantastic. greatttt. how nice. anyway its just the usual thing.

im so sorry amy mommy. im really sorry.

well, then i met wenhu and elin.. sat around and talked.. yadayada.

im feeling so fucking empty...... so empty. and im not doing anything about it. im such a bummer. big time. i hate myself.

this sounds really corny but as i was eating the starfruit last night, it made me miss the superstarrrr days a whole lot. and i thought it would be quite funny if i bought u guys starfruits for valentine's day.. and i started smiling to myself. those gloria jean days.. pon-ing school.. long john's, rocky's balls, tohyi and all..

oh yes last night i was talking to jen.. we're planning a getaway soon. somewhere nearby. probably some part of indonesia.. or malaysia.

i was looking through my photo album last night and it made me miss everyone so much! i have pictures of all the people i love in my wallet. hahaAhh.

how did you fall? did you fall at all? is it lonely where you are? when it thunders where do you hide from the storm.

-yawns- damn tired. gonna go for the ngee ann poly open house later. maybe will see joseph and jessy there. hahahAa.

i think my sis is damn paranoid. she saw me yesterday and the first thing she said was "you cut your hair again?!"....... crazy. as if its not short enough. i just styled it a different way. and not too long ago, when i just had my recent hair cut.. my sis insisted that i re-colored my hair.. but i was just denying it to them cos i was afraid they'll scold me.. like.. errr? no?

okay. gotta rush down from ngee ann to town later to meet evelyn. shopping!! for her and not me. -nods- i wont buy a single thing. i promise.

and at night i'm gonna watch last life in the universe.. with cat and amy. i think? haha. shall see.. either that or mustafa. but 3 girls going there alone damn boring.

i think i've been too paranoid for my own good. its not looking good. not at all.. hrrm.

im feeling so slack-ish today i just feel like wearing flip flops out.

now i've got three jobs for me.
anyone wants a job ask me. i've got 3 jobs and you guys can take the other two.

now its, how how how? which job should i take? ugh. irritating.

went to holland for lunch with cat. crystal jade.. yummmy. makes me miss my bro alot.

cant believe im home for dinner. been ages since i did so. hrrm.

it has been 2 months since i've started work.. or rather, O levels ended.
what have i done with my life?.... NOTHING. thats right. nothing.

all these shopping aint making me happier.
all these going out aint making my happier.
yes? no? .. i dont know.

sometimes i think im very materialistic. okay. fine. maybe i am materialistic. why do i need the 14 pairs of shoes i just bought this year, when i've already got a whole shoe rack and a stack of shoe boxes full of shoes? all these aint gonna make me a better person. why do i need the 8 bags i bought this year, when i've already got a whole room of bags everywhere? all these isnt gonna make me a whole person. and lets not even mention about the clothes.

i know i've spent wayyyy too much. i've not been buying things for my family like how i used to. tasha didnt even get a single expensive toy from me since i last received my 3 pay cheques. all im thinking about is me, myself and i. maybe i should stop shopping and start buying things for the people i love.

though i have almost all the things i want now, ( lets not talk about the vintage rolex.. and the g star jeans. i have enough jeans and i dont really need another pair of jeans thats gonna put me back by 249. ) im not happy. im not happy with the way im leading my life, im not happy with my spiritual life. im not happy at all. im feeling empty.

im feeling empty.
im feeling useless.
im feeling so sick. of everything thats around me.
is this what i enjoy doing the most?
if it is, then why am i not experiencing joy at all?

maybe im just being paranoid.
but i swear, im gonna stop shopping.

went to town.. bought 2 mambo bags. for only 50bucks. sale sale sale. plus extra discounts... whoaaaa. haha.

owell. met cain for lunch.. got my levis jeans altered.. 2 more weeks to collection! boohoo!

met many many people today. owell. boooooring day.

ive got more new blisters.. ugh. i think i should just throw away all my shoes and just wear birkenstocks everyday. i have different blisters from different pairs of shoes. this sucks. dont like. dont like. oh, did i mention that i wanna get this other pair of birkenstocks? but its freaking 159... :((((. and i wanna get 2 pairs. which makes if 318...... ugh!

i need a job.
i need a job.
i want a job.

pssst, $6 and above only please, after cpf deduction.

yesterday cain and amy came over to my place and they became tash's good friend.

next was looking for FULL TIME staff. which i cant fulfil. so.... agh.

i feel so useless looking at the papers for jobs. some of them are so sleazy i swear. sick.

i bought 3 pairs of shoes yesterday. i went out only intending to buy ONE pair from substance, the one ive been eyeing on. but then exodus was having a sale and i saw this really pretty pair of brown shoes with pink ribbon. and it was on sale...... 25fucking percent! so hell yar i got it. wanted to get a white patent leather maryjanes too but it was so impractical. owell. yes. then i went to substance.. and i only wanted to get ONE pair. but then there was this promotion going on, second pair at 30 percent off. and moreover i've got the substance vip card..... i've got extra 15 percent off for the first pair, and 5 more percent for the second pair.. so i got myself the brown one with the flowers and the black one that spells rocker wannabe. ha.

enough of shoe buying. please daphne. enough.

okay. i dont know why im feeling this way.

no no no. it cant be happening. no. yes? right. no.

ugh. this sucks.

did i mention that i brought my stuffed toy tigger over to bali? and i brought it along with me on the flight back cos our baggages were all stuffed with illegal dvds and fags.

i feel so lazy and useless not working.... not doing anything.. slacking... boring i swear.

i need a life.
i need a life.
i want a life.

as im currently unemployed....

i looked at the newspapers today for job vacancies..
ive got an interview at holland village tomorrow. next salon. i'd rather hair shop or toni and guy thou. owell.

and there are some sleazy jobs also. eeerrrr.

i just woke up.

i didnt sleep on sat night. cos i was on the phone and then i went to church. and after church, i went to queensway. met denise and john.

and then i met cat and edmund in town. and the rest. ktv. till 4 fucking am.

saw some fight. yada yada.

home at 7.

horrid day.

gothika is SO SCARY i swear..

im sorry.